Sunday, 19 August 2012

Fallen promises

Everyone keeps on telling,
saying it over and over, again and again,
and I am finally convinced,
It was never meant to be...

Love is a bitch...babe,
you made so many promises,
I always knew, you couldn't ,
but I was looking for a bright side...

Dusk has set upon
the magic you and I were,
oh no no,
I don't regret it anymore,

It's a lesson I have learned,
and I won't cry like always,
and I am gonna forget,
that you and I were ever ever ever together...


Tuesday, 14 August 2012

My Story...

                      Nothing in this world fits in. You have to make room for yourself and make it large. You have visions, dreams, everything you wanted right in front of your coming years. All that counts. Yes, it does. At least, you yearn for them; dream big and you want them right from the moment you have contemplated big. But, you never know what might happen, in those coming years and yes why would you ever in this earth think that everything about you will change? Even the dreams, you dreamt gets distorted, gets warped in space-time continuum. You create a worm hole for yourself, where everything in you gets sucked in, like a big fat truth. Yes it does. You lose sight of yourself, what you exactly are, and the one whom you thought to be your own lyrical world, like a beautiful butterfly swinging its wings in this non-linear, non-solvable world would ever turn you down; and never in your slightest dreams, you ever surmised amongst all those thoughts you surmised, would run away slowly at the sight of “togetherness” and thus all the way deep down in your own thoughts would get tangled up and become the string theory problem.

“….and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,
You never gave us a chance to be…”

I don’t know what I was thinking about, but still, these are the fragments of an afterthought of an event you never in reality you wanted it to happen.  But it happened still…shit! An event! I would rather say a string of events where you and your same past happenings bang you right at your face. How on earth did I ever know that I would end up like this shit?
“…just wanted you to tell me the truth,
You know I’d do that for you,
So why are you running away…”

There’s this sarcasm in my story, I never imagined. I thought I would be happy when she would say we won’t be together after these IISER years. I thought I would be. But smack that again at my face. Seriously smack that! She blurted it out loud. Quite clearly, I was supposed to be happy but you see nature loves irony and here I am writing it out loud as she said it out loud. Every single word that she blurted out still rings in my ears every night I go to sleep. And then all those strings of imaginations gets entangled in my own non-linear networks of nerves which again theoretically has no solutions; quite right it is you see, I seriously don’t have a solution. But I was supposed to be happy. That should be the story, isn’t it? Where did I go wrong? How come she is running away? How come I got degraded from everything in this place to a speck of just a vile support? And so she just wants to let it be, let it be what it is. So look there I am a vile support.

….I was the one who was lifting you up..
When you thought you had enough,
And when I get close, you turn away,
There’s nothing that I can do or say..”

 Look, I am not at all complaining; you are getting me wrong. I am letting it be, but I am left wondering “what the fuck happened.”  Why is she running away? Why everything about her is changing and why the fuck my heart thumps otherwise whenever she says “there’s no point talking about this?” It should beat not thump for god’s sake!

All these afterthoughts, infact every afterthought after every thought i contemplate, gets inked deep down inside. Network theorist would say, you never have a solution for a complicated non-linear equation. All you have are the nullclines pointing towards a probable solution. But look, what i have out here. I too have a solution, but you see, again, all my solutions are nothing but my own prejudices that i hold in these cases and there you go, i still don't have a perfect beautiful solution; all i have is what i surmise, is a series of nullclines, pointing to a most equilibrium solution which again are many....

I don't know what i am writing and yes there’s no point writing about this. For God’s sake, I know when I am writing this I sound pathetic.

You all know who can write this piece of shit and if you have guessed it right, then I deserve the last line I wrote...

Thank you!