“….and I don’t want
you to feel sorry for me,
You never gave us a
chance to be…”
I don’t know what I was thinking about, but still, these are
the fragments of an afterthought of an event you never in reality you wanted it
to happen. But it happened still…shit!
An event! I would rather say a string of events where you and your same past
happenings bang you right at your face. How
on earth did I ever know that I would end up like this shit?
“…just wanted you
to tell me the truth,
You know I’d do
that for you,
So why are you
running away…”
There’s this sarcasm in my story, I never imagined. I thought I would be happy when she would
say we won’t be together after these IISER years. I thought I would be. But
smack that again at my face. Seriously smack that! She blurted it out loud.
Quite clearly, I was supposed to be happy but you see nature loves irony and here
I am writing it out loud as she said it out loud. Every single word that she
blurted out still rings in my ears every night I go to sleep. And then all
those strings of imaginations gets entangled in my own non-linear networks of
nerves which again theoretically has no solutions; quite right it is you see, I
seriously don’t have a solution. But I was supposed to be happy. That should be
the story, isn’t it? Where did I go wrong?
How come she is running away? How
come I got degraded from everything in this place to a speck of just a vile
support? And so she just wants to let it be, let it be what it is. So look
there I am a vile support.
“….I was the one
who was lifting you up..
When you thought
you had enough,
And when I get
close, you turn away,
There’s nothing
that I can do or say..”
Look, I am not at
all complaining; you are getting me wrong. I am letting it be, but I am left wondering
“what the fuck happened.” Why is she running away? Why everything about
her is changing and why the fuck my heart thumps otherwise whenever she says “there’s no point talking about this?” It
should beat not thump for god’s sake!
All these afterthoughts, infact every afterthought after every thought i contemplate, gets inked deep down inside. Network theorist would say, you never have a solution for a complicated non-linear equation. All you have are the nullclines pointing towards a probable solution. But look, what i have out here. I too have a solution, but you see, again, all my solutions are nothing but my own prejudices that i hold in these cases and there you go, i still don't have a perfect beautiful solution; all i have is what i surmise, is a series of nullclines, pointing to a most equilibrium solution which again are many....
All these afterthoughts, infact every afterthought after every thought i contemplate, gets inked deep down inside. Network theorist would say, you never have a solution for a complicated non-linear equation. All you have are the nullclines pointing towards a probable solution. But look, what i have out here. I too have a solution, but you see, again, all my solutions are nothing but my own prejudices that i hold in these cases and there you go, i still don't have a perfect beautiful solution; all i have is what i surmise, is a series of nullclines, pointing to a most equilibrium solution which again are many....
I don't know what i am writing and yes there’s no point writing about this. For God’s sake, I know
when I am writing this I sound pathetic.
You all know who can write this piece of shit and if you have guessed
it right, then I deserve the last line I wrote...
Thank you!
Viento...only you can write this shit :P
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